I have a problem with hope. (And probably goats, as you’ll see, but that’s beside the point.) Mainly, I don’t have a lot of it. (Hope, that is. I do, in fact, have a lot of goats.) Sounds tragic and pessimistic, I know. But it’s deeper than that. Most people…

Three years and a couple of hours ago, the person who loved me most left this world. She was smart and playful. She found ways to make everything fun, and she expressed joy in moments when younger parents would have been angry. I remember breaking eggs on the floor only…

I moved into my little downtown apartment in San Francisco nine years ago. I chose this particular unit, with its shoebox measurements, tiny appliances, and lack of closets, because of the enormous bay window that makes up the entire southern wall. I often sit in my comfy chair gazing out…

Last night I felt the weight of losing my mom more than I thought was possible at this point. My mom and I didn’t always talk at regular times. She’d call me every Saturday morning super early, forgetting the time difference, and I’d let it go to voicemail and…

My mom was known for some pretty fantastic tidbits of advice. She was a wise woman in so many ways, and she was smarter than most people thought (funny how a thick German accent in southern Missouri will make people think you’re dumb), but my mom was not the…

She squints as the clouds blow by, letting the sun flash in through the cafe window. “I just don’t get why he hasn’t called back. It’s been two days. He never takes this long.” One of the other three women at the table hands her a pair of…

She leaned a little into the ledge of the roof deck as he took an almost imperceptible step toward her. The conversation had been lively and constant all evening, but before this she hadn’t been sure whether he even found her attractive. Waiting for him to interrupt her with that…

I picked out a casket like I would shop for any other large purchase. I went into it thinking I wanted a rich wood casket. Unfortunately, caskets are ridiculously expensive. The cheapest wood option was over almost four thousand and was not what I would call “rich”-looking. The cheapest casket…

A year ago today I spoke to my mother for the last time. I’m not sure she could hear me, and I’m not sure she could understand me if she did. She sounded like a very drunk person on the phone — someone on the verge of passing out…